Learning to be me

I remember when I first arrived in Costa Rica, months ago now; I sat on the porch of a small hostel with my dad. He would go with me to the town where I was to live for the next few months that day where we would both see it for the first time. When we sat on the porch I looked out to see tin roofs and clotheslines, trash on the streets, and people crowding sidewalks where if I were to walk, I would not look like the crowd. There were spiral stairs that climbed down from the porch and I remember my dad told me that when I went down them, no matter what happens, I would be changed. Everything that occurs after that will be a memory, profound or not, that will define me one day. He was right. At Christmas, I stayed at the same hostel before catching my flight home, and I saw those stairs but I didn’t go up them…i just observed them from a distance and remembered what my dad had told me. I felt a lot of things had changed in me since then. This week I will be flying home to do an interview I received with United World College, and I look forward to passing by the same stairs to say a quick hello as I say goodbye for a short time to the Emma that lives in Costa Rica. I have spent almost seven months living and traveling within Central America, the large majority of it in Costa Rica, and I have lost all definitions I had of home. I feel accustomed to living in a third world country, and seeing poverty daily. It was sadness in my former eyes but now it’s my life. I speak Spanish, my second language, on a daily basis to convey my needs, and it feels the same as my first. I eat breakfast with my Costa Rican family, help my little brothers get ready for school, and converse about life experiences that are so differente though I never feel there’s not common ground-there always is. I’ve grown to trust public transportation that costs less than $8 to go across the country, and to trust the police, though they aren’t always trustworthy. I’ve met inspiring people in the funniest nooks and crannies of my travels and experiences; not surprising that the most interesting people are experiencing unique things. I’ve concluded a lot about myself, and defined my self in a new way-who I am when I am alone. In these months I’ve immersed myself with new groups of people of all ages and backgrounds, different activities, and found new interests and a deeper faith that I’ve grounded myself in for no one else’s watching eyes or expectations. In these months I’ve learned to be me.
I was walking home from town last week, and I saw signs informing me that there was construction on the road going on ahead. I was surprised that people were attempting to fix Monteverde’s broken dirt roads. When I was in sight of workers covered in dirt in neon vests, I read a sign the same shape and font as the others that said things like “work ahead” that read “Mejoramos su calidad de vida”. Which means like “We better your quality of life”. What the sign read contrasted with what I saw that it announced, but still it was beautiful. Making someone’s life a little better starts the moment you are exposed and dirty and accept it while others pass by.